You… Rekindled

This song still makes me think of you. Even though I have come to see that the “you” I knew was a facade, and one of many “yous”. It still brings me back to the moment when I could feel your love around me, encompassing me. I felt safe, and light, and free. For a moment.

And I know most of it was bad. I know most of it was the worst of us both, fighting each other; and the best of us, trying to stay afloat. I miss those parts of you. The shards of memories I have of you, the real you, shining through those big brown eyes of yours. I know most of what we had wasn’t real. But it was real for me.

I’m not sure why you come up every once in a while, bubbling to the surface like an old boot in a pond with air trapped in it. I know that things will never “be” for us again, and I know that I don’t feel the same as I once did. I no longer feel that bond, or attachment. I see you or your friends around town and it stings for a second; harsh and startling, like ripping off a band-aid.

I’m glad you’re okay. And I hope you are happy. Despite the lies and fables you build to make up for the things inside yourself that you hate; despite the webs of bullshit you will say to get a girl in bed with you so you can have that “hero” feeling; despite the disgust I feel and the bile that rises to my throat every time I think of all the truths I discovered after we parted ways… I wish you the best in life. I know somewhere in there is a good man, who is maybe even unaware of the damage he is doing.

Eat. Pray. Love.

<3